The Bowl by Mayank Chhaya
I do occasionally analyze people’s Facebook updates over a 24-hour period for my own private edification. Presuming that people say what they mean, one can actually read most people like a book and find very discernible personality patterns.
Since I would be violating their privacy by actually mentioning them by name and writing about them (which is paradoxical because they have already taken themselves out of their private realm by posting on Facebook), I have chosen to analyze my own updates yesterday. I sought my permission and received it with unseemly eagerness.
Given below are the updates and/or a record of what I chose to share of what I did yesterday. The gainful part of my day has been excluded here because it is work-related and hence fairly humdrum.
I do not update my status that frequently and I certainly do not update it in the strict sense of the word. For instance, I eschew updates such as, “I met my ex and felt Phew!,what a close shave!”
So here they are:
* I am convinced that North Korean leader Kim Jung-un equates the rocket failure with erectile dysfunction. I am baffled why people do not see merit in my path-breaking theory.
* These days I pick up my TV remote and answer when my phone rings. The funny thing is I notice it only after the channel changes when I "disconnect."
* Liz Hurley and Shane Warne plan to marry in two countries, perhaps in the hope that if it fails in one, it might succeed in the other.
* For physics geeks like me, this might be of great interest. http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2012/apr/15/gravitational-waves-search-breakthrough
* Anyone dating anyone anywhere at all has now to be declared a complete non-story. There is no mystery in dating. People date. People bang. People stay together a bit and move on.
* Used Pixlr to create the above artwork and posted it as my FB profile picture
* People go on and on about Mitt Romney once strapping his dog Seamus on the roof of his car. Have they asked the street dogs of Ahmedabad? They would kill to be in Seamus’ place. They would argue ‘Better on top of a car rather than under it.’
* Ghalib has been on my mind. Unke sukhan ki shaan mein ek gustakhi kar raha hun.
"Who chaley chhod ke saagar-o-meena merey agey
Us umeed mein goya ki mein haathon se na sahi
Aankhon se hi pee lunga"”
If I were to analyze the updates above I would first be struck by how varied and thematically inconsistent they are. Without knowing anything about the person updating and with only these updates as my guide, I would think this person has a lot of hubbub and frenzied imagination in his or her mind. Either that or the person is trying to get his FB friends to say something, anything.
The updates above are from someone who has the habit of handing down pronouncements rather quickly, if mostly effectively. The person has over the years developed a very distilled style of communicating with a touch of finality. The person has a terrific sense of humor.
While the person certainly seems very well-informed and even mildly scholarly, it is more a case of him/her using one’s limited knowledge intelligently. The person also comes across as someone hard to pin down and once pinned down, hard to convince that he/she has been pinned down.
For me personally, everything has to have some entertainment value. That is the primary driver of my updates. There has to be an interesting turn of phrase or an inventive thought. By that yardstick, I think these updates emerge gloriously.
I like all of them but I particularly like the one about mistaking the TV remote for a phone and my take on Ghalib. Incidentally, Mirza Ghalib (1797-1869) is arguably the greatest poet of South Asia in the last 300 years at least. One of his numerous oft-recited verses is the one where he says, “Go haath mein jumbish nahi, Aankhon mein to dum hai. Rehne do abhi saagar-o-meena merey agey.” (Loosely translates as ‘My hands may have lost their strength but my eyes have not. Let the goblet of wine remain in front of me).
My take on the famous verse translates as “She left a goblet of wine in front me, In the hope that although my hands lack the strength, I may still savor it with my eyes.”
Incidentally, I have no clue what alcohol of any kind tastes like because I have not touched a drop in my life. (I say it only as a statement of fact).
Not to self: What a pretentious little prick to analyze his own Facebook updates!