‘Fifty Shades of Grey’


I was fairly certain that I would not read British writer E L James’s “mommy porn” blockbuster ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ until I read an excerpt on Random House Digital. Now I am determined not to read it.

For those of you who may not know about it, the book, which is part of an adult romance trilogy, has ignited bedroom passions throughout the world. It has been the number 1 New York Times bestseller. In the process James is becoming to adult BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission) literature what J K Rowling is to children’s fantasy literature.

I strongly suspect James is out to finish Rowling’s career. Let me explain why. Procreation is never part of BDSM. The more adults engage in it, the less children there will be. Less children means less readership for Rowling. Hence her career will be finished soon. My ridiculous theory proved.

Coming back to James, she is a mother of two and a TV executive based in West London who has emerged as the latest literary force to liberate women from their dull, missionary sex life. Going by the excerpt the story’s protagonists are Anastasia Steele, a 21-year-old student reporter, and Christian Grey, a 27-year-old telecom tycoon. It is about how Grey brings Steele into the world of BDSM with her consent.

For those of who you may not know about it, BDSM includes a lot of spanking, gagging and whipping by employing implements, some of which may seem designed for gardening or carpentry. I exaggerate but you get the drift. To put it succinctly, it is about those who believe there is pleasure in pain.

Since a novel cannot be a manual I am sure James has taken care to tell a story that introduces millions of women to forbidden pleasures. Since more often than not forbidden pleasures include men many men are also reading the book to learn some tricks in order to spice up their sex life. Economic depression tends to push people toward sexual adventures and that could partly explain the raging appeal of the book.

It is a measure of how widespread it has become that if you were to type just the number 50 in Google search, it would instantly suggest ‘50 Shades of Grey.’ It is possible that the book’s publishers have purchased the keyword.


I am genuinely thrilled that James is raking it in on the strength of reminding people all the fantastic things they can do to their own bodies to generate intensely pleasurable pain. However,those who have read it say it is at its heart a love story. One way or the other I will take people’s word for it.

Some of my friends, who know that I am in the midst of finishing my own trilogy, cheerfully suggest to me that perhaps I should try my hand at “daddy porn” rather than wasting time on trying to become a serious novelist.

So here is the opening of my first in a new trilogy of daddy porn.(Not true, I am only teasing).

“She turned the glistening nickel doorknob using her thumb and index finger. I could not help but notice her neon purple nail polish. It matched the lacy purple hemline of her figure-hugging silk micro mini.

‘Caterpillar or mulberry?’ I asked

She turned around looking confused and said, ‘What?’ (What sounded more like Voit)

‘The silk in your skirt,’ I explained.

‘Oh, touch it and find out,’ she said giggling.

We closed the door behind us.


About chutiumsulfate

South Asians can infer from my name what I am. View all posts by chutiumsulfate

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