My sketch of Katy Perry at the Grammys last night (My as in Mayank Chhaya)
Ryan Seacrest’s height demands an extraordinary resolve of him not to directly look at female celebrities’ bosoms.
No matter how much he stretches himself his face is almost always in perfect sync with a majority of his female interviewees’ breasts.I think that is the only real challenge in his life. Otherwise, everything else is a never-ending red carpet for him.
I do not as a rule watch the Grammys with any degree of interest but I made it a point to watch the red carpet coverage yesterday because of a dress code memo issued by CBS. The memo read: “Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure.”
Once you get past the unabashedly sexist nature of the memo you do find some unintended humor in it. This barely hidden sexist memo was almost entirely meant for female celebrities. I do not recollect male celebrities generally showing off “bare fleshy under curves” or “bare sides or under curvature of the breasts.” Incidentally, bare sides would be what we in dignified TMZ circles call sideboobs. Sideboobs have been in vogue lately because they have a different kind of allure. There are male celebrities with manboobs but there are few uglier sights in human experience than manboobs.
By and large celebrities seemed to respect the dress code which was probably designed for the Swat Valley edition of the Grammys. Speaking of that I thought there might be at least one celebrity who would have the sense of humor to show up in a designer burqa. I suppose no one wanted to offend Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the off chance that he was monitoring the Grammys. (By the way the Swat Valley is in Pakistan and has many Taliban types while Ahmadinejad is the president of Iran. I am too smart to mix up the two). Jokes aside it is unintentionally funny how in trying to enforce standards of decency CBS had to use words such as buttocks, buttocks crack, genital region with no visible puffy bare skin exposure. I don’t quite know what they mean by puffy.
My interpretation of the memo was that the female legs and midriff were exempt from the dress code. Hence Jennifer Lopez did not feel inhibited to show the full length of her right leg. Beyoncé played it so safe that she showed up in sharply cut slacks. It strikes me that the same CBS bosses had no problem with Beyoncé’s attire during the Super Bowl halftime performance. I am pretty sure it would not have met the standards of dress code at the Grammys.
Coming back to Katy Perry, I had to draw a sketch of her dress because I had no right to use her actual photograph. Under the circumstances I think I have done a passable job in almost nailing the color of her figure-hugging dress. Not being a generously bosomed woman I have no firsthand experience of what it means to show skin publicly. However, it is safe to presume that it must feel good to know that you are making men awkward in that they have to fight so hard not to look there.
The response to female breasts is primal and oftentimes it is not necessarily lust-driven. One way to deal with Perry was the way Ellen DeGeneres did by directly peering at them. Ellen could do it and make it look humorous for several reasons but mainly because she is Ellen. However, when you consider that she is gay and was with her wife Portia de Rossi I don’t think her mock/real act was any less creepy than it would have been had a man standing with his wife done that. The fact that Ellen is friends with Katy, coupled with the fact that she is a comic, did mitigate her act. It is a sheer line that divides the creepy from the comic.
As for Seacrest he was the one who made a reference to his height and the bosoms of his female interviewees.