What if Xi-Obama summit went like this?


The summit meeting between U.S. President Barack Obama and China’s President Xi Jinping could have gone something like this:

Obama: Welcome to America President Xi. Its an honor to host you. I take it that you already know my talking points, courtesy of Unit 61398.

Xi (laughing): Indeed, Mr. President. Thank you for your hospitality so far although I know that there was some back and forth in the White House about how charming you should be toward me. I take it that you too know my talking points, courtesy of PRISM.

Obama (laughing): In that case, why don’t we dispense with any lengthy discussions? Let me simply say that the United States does not accept points 2, 7, 9 and 11 in your draft agreement.

Xi: And we object to 1,3,5 and 7  in yours.

Obama: There, let’s have our aides work out a joint declaration and we are done. Do you realize how much time we have saved? Don’t you just love hacking and surveilling? For instance, I know that this morning you thought the breakfast sucked because I heard you say so while having mine.

Xi: I know yours sucked too because you actually said, “The breakfast sucks.” In my case you merely inferred because we do not use suck the way Americans do.

A wave of laughter as the two leader shake hands and retire to their respective quarters.

A couple of hours later the aides have come up with the final draft of the joint declaration. Xi and Obama meet again without aides.

Obama: Mr. President, my name has been misspelt as Barrack at the end of the draft.

Xi: What makes you think it is a mistake?  While we are at it, my last name is not Pingpong.

They both laugh again.

Obama: Ohhh, this is so fun…

Xi: Much, you mean.

Obama: Excuse me..

Xi: So much fun, you mean.

Obama: I bet you did not have to hack for that..

Laughter and bonhomie as the joint declaration is signed.

As the two leaders step out to address a joint news conference, there is only one AP correspondent in the room. The leaders are perplexed.

Obama: Where is everybody?

AP correspondent: Mr. President, we already have copies of your joint declaration, courtesy of Unit 61398 and PRISM. I was left here to let you both know. My story is already on the wire. Didn’t the Attorney-General tell you that?

All three laugh. End of story.


About chutiumsulfate

South Asians can infer from my name what I am. View all posts by chutiumsulfate

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