Dawn of the Planet of the Men in Masquerade

The following is a developing story. The details are still sketchy.

I am told monkeys of Delhi have gone into huddles in trees across the city discussing their latest existential threat—40 men masquerading as gray langurs. It is their UN Security Council meeting, only more democratic since it is spread across tree-tops. Simian ululation is shaking up trees as the debate gets more animated.

Their biggest challenge is to tell the men paid 8,000 rupees a month and dressed as langurs from real langurs. One senior monkey ventured to suggest that telling one from the other is not that hard because the men in disguise walk upright and cannot swing from tree to tree. Besides, he added, they look underpaid. The senior monkey was shouted by the new generation taught using new text books. In order to get better organized against the new threat the monkeys have first decided to give a specific description to it. They have resolved to call it “Dawn of the Planet of the Men in Masquerade”. That resolution carried unopposed.

Monkeys with some writing skills—and those who don’t waste them writing useless blogs—have been asked to create a manual of dos and don’ts when they encounter the men in masquerade. One clear sign that the monkeys must look for is whether they carry smart phones. If they do, they are definitely humans. However, those with outdated Nokia phones could well be simian moles in the enemy army.

They have been specifically told to remember that they outnumber the human army by at least 1:10,000. “Throwing feces should be the first resort when it comes to defending”, says one of the guidelines for combat. When the senior monkey challenged that saying, “Many of the 40 men may be accustomed to leading a shitty life given their pay grade ” he was again shouted down by the younger lot.

The most productive part of the huddles was the unanimously voted action to retreat until the elders have made sure that the rubber bullets are not lethal. To test that, 1000 monkeys past their prime (someone tried to joke saying past their primate) have been asked to volunteer and “take one in their butt for the team.”


About chutiumsulfate

South Asians can infer from my name what I am. View all posts by chutiumsulfate

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